My apology to Reality TV.
I’ve never been a fan of Reality TV. Sure, as a kid I’d watch the first few Real World seasons, but even then it seemed as far from reality as you could get. The boom of the genre in the early part of this decade only cemented my distaste for these talentless abominations. To me, Patton Oswalt put it best, “We used to go to work and deal with assholes and idiots all day long, then come home and watch TV to escape. Now we come home so we can watch more assholes and idiots.”
But, I have to apologize to Reality TV. I have finally found something redeeming in it. Of course, from an objective standpoint, there’s still nothing redeeming in what I’ve found, it’s really just more contrivance populated by wholly unlikable charicatures of people. But, at least I know, and dislike, one of the people. That’s right, my ex-girlfriend Lacey was on this season’s Hell’s Kitchen. Here’s a screen capture of her:
Wow. I dated Lacey from September of 2000 until February of 2002 and, well, it was not a smooth time. She was fairly insane, and I won’t say I was the perfect guy, but I was pretty decent and she was not. So even though it was surprising when my friend Creech told me she was on the show, it wasn’t shocking. Frankly, it made perfect sense to me that she would be on a reality show.
I had guessed that she’d be the person they put on the show who has no hope of winning, but is there to be a total bitch and generally piss off everyone around her. Well bingo! I highly suggest heading over to Hulu and watching some of this stuff (she’s in the first 8 episodes of season 5). Basically, she’s a stark raving lunatic, who’s delusional at every turn. If you can only watch one episode, I’d highly recomend the one where she gets kicked off:
She basically has a nervous breakdown on national TV, and if it happened to someone who hadn’t been a total bitch her entire time on the show, it would be kind of sad, but, as it is, the whole thing is terrifying and funny. Plus, it’s completely uncalled for, she just seems to come unhinged.
One thing I’m sure you’ll immediately notice, she’s not a small girl. In fact, she’s huge. Now, I’m not going to say she was svelte and toned when we were going out, but she was certainly a very normal sized girl and quite attractive. Well, in the ensuing years she’s let herself go completely. I know I don’t have much place to talk, I’m much less in shape and much heavier than when we went out, but she has ballooned. Again, if it happened to a better person, it might be kind of sad, but, for her, it just adds to the hilarity.
So yes, Reality TV, I apologize. In fact, I owe you. I can’t even explain how good it feels to see someone who was such a large part of my personal disenfranchisement with relationships be such a sideshow on national television. Really, I wish everyone could feel that good and laugh that hard. I’d feel even better about it if I didn’t know she’s probably still proud of being on TV. She’s the kind of fool who’d think that’s an accomplishment, no matter how ridiculous she looked.
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